So I got the low down from my tuxedo wearing friends about last nights ‘suppperrr celebrity wedding’ of Rush Limbaugh.
I guess things went pretty normal, no crazy democrats streaked across the reception, and President Obama didn’t storm the event with a bucket of water balloons. However that would have bumped him up three points on the ‘cool president’ scale, almost as much as those renegade pictures of him smoking a cigarette did. Cool Obama…your just cool, with your smoking, dad jeans, and stylish wife. Cool.
All the sexy republicans were there, such as Rudy Giuliani (such a babe), Anne Coulter (so skinny), and a cluster of Broadway stars who sang Phantom of the Opera during the wedding ceremony (Isn’t that about a deformed freak who lives in the rafters of an Opera house? How romantic.)
And I did hear something about the national anthem being sung during the reception. He WOULD. I mean, I love America as much as the next guy, but for some reason that didn’t make my wedding play list. (Bob Marley did. I played Bob Marley during my wedding ceremony. At the time it seemed like an amazing idea, now I look back and was like really? Really? I mean, it was just the recessional song, but really? Bob Marley at your wedding? Feel free to make fun of me.)
Bonus moment of the night: My husband got a quick peek at the honorable, amazing, great Sir Elton right before he was to go on stage. But just then all the tuxedo wearing bandits were ushered away to the kitchen like cattle, not allowed to watch the concert. However, my husband did hear the opening song, which was: “Hold Me Closer Tony Danza” … I mean, Tiny Dancer. That joke will never get old. God bless Friends.
Anyway- this is the best story that I got out of the nights event, which I must credit to my bestie blonde friend Kristin.
Kristin was passing hordrves at the reception. Delicious, succulent hordrves as always, that anyone should be overly excited being offered.
She approached a few people chatting and offered the food to a man.
She spoke loudly and clearly, so there was no way this man did not hear her kind offer. However, he didn’t respond, didn’t so much to give her a GLANCE, a head shake, a no thank you NOTHING. He just kept his little nose pointed high toward the people he was chatting with, and reached over and placed something in Kristin’s tuxedo jacket pocket.
First thought – a tip! This is a very high end event, everyone here is high rollers, he must have passed off some dough to show his appreciation for our excellent service.
So, Kristin goes in the back to see what the mystery substance was in her pocket, and nay- it was not money, it was not a tip, it was not anything to be excited about at ALL.
He had placed a hunk of chewed up food wrapped in a napkin … in her pocket.
Um… excuse me?
I don’t care WHAT island you live on, I am sure you have heard of the invention called the ‘GARBAGE CAN.’
Or, if you asked, we would not mind all that much putting your trash on our tray, and dumping it into the garbage can.
PLEASE, oh PLEASE people of Palm Beach if you are reading this, I am begging you to do me two favors.
- When we offer you food, please just give us a no thank you, or a smile and a head shake, ANYTHING.
Do not ignore us as if we were there to offer you cancer, or a dirty diaper. We are trying to SERVE YOU. We want you to indulge in our delectable treats, so please treat us like the HUMAN BEINGS we really are! Acknowledge us when we speak to you!
- NEVER, and I mean NEVER place a chewed up wad of food in our jacket pockets. This needs no explanation. Thank you for complying.
We love you, you Palm Beach crazies. Just learn to say no thank you and use the trash, and the world will be a better place.
xoxo
