Naked woman gets painted in real gold….my mind is further baffled by Palm Beach.

Entertainment for everyone is always different.  One persons idea of fun and excitement could be another persons idea of complete insanity. 

This is one of those times….

It was a charity event…which to me is always an awkward term at the hotel.  When I think of a charity event, I think of painting a house for an old woman…or going to Mexico and fixing the roof on a school.  Anything dirty, sweaty, and selfless.

But in the case of the oh so wonderful hotel…charity events usually come complete with an auction off of a week in Vail skiing, a tour of Lilly Pulitzers home and a luncheon with the great floral pattern master, or buying a pair of earrings that cost more than my Toyota.

So, it was one of those charity events…the gowns were lavish, the hair was big, and the lips were plumped and glossed. 

Fake laughs flitted through the air, and fingers weighed down by massive rings lightly grabbed at the prosciutto and cantaloupe     hors d’oeuvres….but passed on the fried goat cheese and artichoke….(My favorite) (I want one now) (I wonder if they are hard to make) ( I wish I had my own chef) (I wish I was Oprah).  This is how my mind works. Love me.

Anyways, cocktail hour comes and goes…people write their $10,000 silent auction bids on the paper…and begin to take their seats.

First course is served…and the shallow chatter continues.

Its time for…..the entertainment!!

What is it tonight?  Japanese drummers?  Circ de solei rejects?  Michael Buble? 


No none of those things.

I wish it was one of those things.

But instead….a woman.  Out walks a woman.

Not just any woman..

A naked woman.

Ok…I over exaggerated.

She was wearing a tiny thong… I mean she did have her dignity!

So this naked woman walks out.  My server husband….along with every other male server in the room, just about pours wine in the guests lap.  They are thinking to themselves…best. shift. ever.

I am thinking to myself…why am I surprised?  Its Palm Beach!  This is normal.

So the thonged woman stands in the center of the ballroom…and ready for her talent?

A man…paints her entire body…. gold. 

Fake gold?  No no no….this is not the Holiday Inn.  This is a classy establishment.  We ONLY paint naked women with  REALLLL GOLLLD!!!!!

I ain’t saying she a gold digger.

Again, only in Palm Beach.

Her entire body gets covered in gold one inch at a time…meanwhile our standards of service have dropped considerably….due to the fact that every tuxedo clad man carrying a silver tray was instantly oblivious to every guest who was not being painted naked…in gold.

This by far was one of the strangest dinner entertainment acts I have ever seen.  Do you think these people are listed in the yellow pages?  Or perhaps….the gold pages? Ba dum ch.  That is the noise the drummer on Jay Leno plays when a lame joke is said and nobody laughs…until the drummer plays ba dum ch.

And how much did this woman get paid to do this?  Maybe her weight in gold? Ba dum ch again.

After I got over the initial shock of the whole thing and the night continued…I was wondering if I could take the gold woman and trade her in at the jewelery store for an engagement ring upgrade.  I have one 14k gold human…what can I trade her in for?


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