Category Archives: Palm Beach Evil

Bernie Madoff With all the Money

Ok ok that joke is lame and overused but I still find it fascinating his last name is Madoff…so so appropriate.

SO!  During the week of this worms sentencing, I suppose I could share my Bernie Madoff experience.  No, I did not meet him, nor did I lend him any money…

BUT the night before the whole scandal broke and took over the media, I was yet again in my tuxedo serving the rich. 

It was a real ‘Palm Beach’ event, one filled with locals who supposedly by now I am supposed to recognize, but don’t.  Maybe because when I meet them I am to involved in staring at their wedding rings and trying to comprehend how a person could own a diamond that big.  Maybe that is why I don’t recognize their faces…I only know them by rings. 
Click here for an example of some ice ice baby…

ANYWAYS.  I was standing in the hall, being a ‘human arrow’ as they call it. AKA I was standing there doing NOTHING, and getting paid for it.

There was several guests buzzing around, and there was a hushed whisper.  I managed to make out some words from a lady, that at the time I was confused by but now it is obvious..

Not a lot of people will be dancing tonight…..Some people lost millions….etc.

And it was true.  The next day we all realized that some freak a leak living one mile from us stole billions of dollars from people in and around Palm Beach, and the country. 

However, if these people were at the party, they still danced.  Maybe when you loose 20 million dollars the only thing left to do is dance away your troubles? Hmm….

Anyways,  it was interesting to see that first hand account of the people of Palm Beach during that time of hardship.  And to see the effects in our community.  Every Saturday and Sunday down the street from my house this huge warehouse opens up with ‘estate liquidation’, which basically is a Palm Beach garage sale.

But even these rich leftovers are out of my price range!  Sigh…I don’t live rich…I serve the rich.  Holla.


Enough Scallops for Everyone… I swear.

I grew up in Minnesota.  There, you often hear the term ‘Minnesota nice.’ Everyone is polite for the most part.  So, in the spirit of making up catchy sayings to describe geographic locations…lets call Palm Beach “Palm Beach Evil.”  Now I assure you,  many of the people I met from Palm Beach were very, very nice.  However far too many I encountered made me taken aback and wonder how on EARTH can people be this ridiculous.  I saw first hand again and again that money can not buy you happiness…however lets be honest, it can buy you a smaller butt. Sigh.


Early on I realized that these people were not a people common to man.  For example, I would walk around with a tray filled with gourmet, delicious   hors d’oeuvres that I could not stuff into my mouth behind curtains fast enough.  But when I would offer these decadent treats to guests, instead of a nice ‘no thank you,’ they would turn there head and pretend like you were invisible. 

Eventually after years of experiencing the classic snobbery brush off, my co-workers and I pretend like we just thought they didn’t hear our polite offering.  So, we would repeat it, louder and louder until the guest SURLY heard our question and saw our smile.  To this I would get a down turned mouth that murmured no thank you, and another head turn.

Mission accomplished.  Teaching the rich manners one guest at a time….

But the prime example of the Palm Beach mental illness came one sunny day, poolside.

We were working an event where everyone was asked to dress in white.  The entire pool deck was a sea of white linen dresses, fake boobs, and Palm Beach boat shoes.  Some guests, not being familiar with the event, asked if it was a cult meeting. Close, I replied.  Charity event for the rich.

I was serving scallops. Delicious scallops.  I offered one to a very nice lady and after plopping one into her mouth, expressed how delectable there were and asked kindly for another.  “Of course mam!” I said, eager to get rid of them anyways and happy to encounter a nice human being.

But then, as her manicured nails reached in to grab another scallop, a man with a canary yellow sweater wrapped around his shoulders went in for the kill.  The man wanted…a scallop.

His hand slides over the plate, and he quickly notices the other woman reaching in as well. 

He gasps.  Looks at her and says… this is a quote.  A real quote.  I am a journalist, I would not make this stuff up.  Back to the quote.

He said, no, he yelled ” Excuse me!  Before you put your grubby hands all over those scallops again do you think I could have one!  Hmmph.!” 

And he SLAMS down the scallop on my tray, turns sharply and walks away in his clean, perfect boat shoes and canary yellow sweater.

Oh. My. Goodness.

People like this exist.

After apologizing to the nice lady on the yellow sweater mans behalf, she muttered “I bet he beats his girlfriend at night.”

And with that, she popped another scallop in her mouth and walked away.

Just another day on the job.